1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:04,936
( cash register rings )
2
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,620
♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY,
STATIONERY AND LEATHER GOODS ♪
3
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:13,323
♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY,
KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪
4
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,779
♪ GOING UP... ♪
5
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♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES,
GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪
6
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♪ SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS,
UNDERWEAR AND SHOES ♪
7
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♪ GOING UP... ♪
8
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GOOD MORNING, SIR.
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00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,041
ARE YOU BEING SERVED
OR ARE YOU JUST LOOKING?
10
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- I'M LOOKING
FOR SOMEONE TO SERVE ME.
- IN THAT CASE, I'M FREE.
11
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WHAT'LL IT BE? JACKET,
TROUSERS, OR A NEW WOOLY PULLY?
12
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I BOUGHT THESE SOCKS LAST WEEK,
THEY'VE ONLY BEEN WASHED ONCE, AND LOOK.
13
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THEY'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE NON-SHRINK.
14
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:48,358
AH, YES.
15
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:51,061
I SEE WHAT THE TROUBLE
IS, SIR. THEY'RE PURE WOOL.
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00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:54,364
VERY OFTEN PURE WOOL SOCKS ARE
MADE FROM TWO DIFFERENT HERDS.
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YOU MIGHT GET ONE HERD
COME FROM THE SHETLANDS
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THE OTHER DOWN IN CORNWALL.
19
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NOW THE SHETLAND
LOT WON'T SHRINK
20
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BECAUSE THEY'RE
STANDING IN THE RAIN ALL DAY.
21
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:05,042
SO THIS MUST BE THE CORNISH
SOCK AND THAT'S THE SHETLAND.
22
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,809
WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
23
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I SHALL GET IN TOUCH
WITH THE CORNISH FARMER
24
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AND GET HIS SHEEP
SENT UP TO SHETLAND.
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- I WANT MY MONEY BACK.
- YES.
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- MR. HUMPHRIES,
ARE YOU FREE?
- I AM FREE.
27
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THIS GENTLEMAN WANTS HIS MONEY
BACK ON ACCOUNT OF THE FACT
28
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THAT HIS SOCKS HAVE
SHRUNK IN THE WASH.
29
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:25,028
DID YOU WASH THEM YOURSELF
OR DID YOUR WIFE WASH THEM?
30
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- I LIVE ALONE.
- OH, I SEE.
31
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- WHAT DID YOU WASH THEM IN?
- IN THE BATH.
32
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I MEAN, WHAT DID YOU
USE TO WASH THEM WITH?
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- WATER.
- WATER, YES.
34
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YOU CAN GO TO COFFEE
IF YOU LIKE, MR. LUCAS
35
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THIS IS GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME.
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IT'S OKAY. THIS CASE
HAS MY FULL ATTENTION.
37
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- WAS IT HOT WATER, SIR?
- WELL, OF COURSE IT WAS.
38
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AH, YOU SEE, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN
LUKE. IT SAYS SO ON THE INSTRUCTIONS.
39
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- "LUKE."
- I CAN'T READ THAT. IT'S TOO SMALL.
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- OF COURSE IT IS. IT SHRUNK.
- I WANT MY MONEY BACK.
41
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:03,666
YES, OUR SENIOR ASSISTANT MR. GOLDBERG
WILL HAVE TO MAKE THAT DECISION.
42
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MR. GOLDBERG, ARE YOU FREE?
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AT THE MOMENT,
MR. HUMPHRIES, YES.
44
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THIS CUSTOMER OF
MR. LUCAS' FAILED TO FOLLOW
45
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THE WASHING INSTRUCTIONS
ON THE SOCK AND IT SHRUNK.
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AND HE WOULD LIKE HIS MONEY
BACK. WHAT IS YOUR DECISION?
47
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:18,848
MR. GOLDBERG ALWAYS
MAKES THESE DECISIONS.
48
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:21,451
WE MUST GIVE THE CUSTOMER
HIS MONEY BACK, MR. HUMPHRIES.
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- CERTAINLY, MR. GOLDBERG.
- ON ONE SOCK.
50
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IF YOU'RE NOT SATISFIED
WITH THE GOODS,
51
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BRING THEM BACK WITH THE RECEIPT
AND ASK FOR YOUR MONEY BACK.
52
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YOU WON'T GET IT, BUT
YOU CAN ASK FOR IT.
53
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:36,766
NOW, WHAT'S THIS BIG
NEWS YOU HAD TO TELL ME?
54
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,503
TODAY IS A VERY SPECIAL DAY.
55
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WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT TODAY?
56
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TODAY'S THE DAY MY
PUSSY COMES OF AGE.
57
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:48,145
OH, YOU MEAN IT'S 21 YEARS
SINCE YOU FIRST HAD IT?
58
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NO...
59
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IT'S THREE YEARS
SINCE I FIRST HAD HER.
60
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,853
YOU SEE, IT CAT LIFE
61
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,988
ONE YEAR COUNTS AS SEVEN.
62
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SO THAT MEANS SHE'S 21 TODAY!
63
00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,294
OH, ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE
HER THE KEY OF THE DOOR?
64
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NO. ANYWAY, SHE DOESN'T NEED IT.
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SHE'S GOT A LITTLE FLAP.
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DO YOU WANT TO SEE
WHAT I'VE GOT FOR HER?
67
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,804
OH YEAH.
68
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:19,075
WELL, A LEG OF
SOUTHERN FRIED CHICKEN.
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AND A MINK COLLAR
WITH A LITTLE BELL.
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- IS THAT REAL MINK?
- OH, OF COURSE.
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I WOULDN'T GIVE HER IMITATION.
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THAT'S MADE OF CAT.
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AND A RECORD OF LENA ZAVARONI.
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OH, IS THAT HER FAVORITE?
75
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NO, BUT IT'S THE ONLY WAY
76
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I CAN GET HER TO GO
OUT WHEN IT'S RAINING.
77
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AND SOMETHING SHE'S BEEN
LOOKING FORWARD TO FOR AGES...
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- A CLOCKWORK MOUSE.
- OOOH. LET'S SEE IT GO.
79
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:55,278
- WHERE'S CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
- OH, HE'S NOT HERE YET.
80
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WELL...
81
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( laughs ) IT IS SWEET.
82
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,322
OOOH! OH, DASH!
83
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:08,057
- OH, WHERE'S IT GONE?
- I CAN'T SEE IT.
84
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,328
LISTEN, AND WE MIGHT BE
ABLE TO HEAR THE CLOCKWORK.
85
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,830
OH, IT'S LIKE PETER
PAN AND THE CROCODILE.
86
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SHHH!
87
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:18,101
( elevator dings )
88
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SO ANYWAY, I STUFFED
A PINEAPPLE IN THE HOLE
89
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:24,373
AND I SAID GIVE ME A RING TOMORROW
AND LET ME KNOW IF IT'S STOPPED.
90
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:26,531
WELL... ( screams )
91
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:30,113
WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU
DOING, MR. HUMPHRIES?
92
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,537
THERE'S A MOUSE
ROUND MY DRAWERS.
93
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HERE IT IS. HEY, IT'S CLOCKWORK.
94
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IS THIS ANOTHER OF
YOUR JOKES, MR. LUCAS?
95
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NOT GUILTY, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
96
00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:43,726
I AM IN NO MOOD
FOR PRACTICAL JOKES.
97
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:47,118
NOW, WHAT IDIOT RELEASED
THIS MOUSE ON THE FLOOR?
98
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,067
I SHALL COUNT TO 10,
99
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AND IF NO ONE OWNS UP,
WE SHALL REMAIN BEHIND
100
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AFTER THE STORE CLOSES
UNTIL THIS MATTER IS RESOLVED.
101
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ONE, TWO, THREE...
102
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- OWN UP OR I'LL TELL ON YOU.
- YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT.
103
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YES I WOULD. I'VE
GOT A DATE TONIGHT.
104
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- SNEAK.
- GET YOUR HAND UP.
105
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:12,421
MRS. SLOCOMBE, AM I TO UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU ARE THE MISCREANT?
106
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THE WHAT?
107
00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:16,159
THE PERSON WHO
RELEASED THIS OBJECT?
108
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- WELL, YES...
- I DON'T WANT ANY EXCUSES.
109
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I SHALL CONFISCATE THIS.
110
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IF YOU WISH TO RETRIEVE IT,
111
00:05:22,256 --> 00:05:24,033
YOU WILL FIND IT IN
MR. RUMBOLD'S OFFICE.
112
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,202
THERE'S BEEN FAR TOO MUCH
LAXITY ON THE FLOOR OF LATE.
113
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YOU'RE ALL GETTING VERY SLOPPY.
114
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CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
115
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I'VE BEEN OVER 40 YEARS
IN VARIOUS RETAIL OUTLETS,
116
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AND I'VE NEVER
BEEN CALLED SLOPPY.
117
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- AN EGG STAIN ON THE TIE...
- WHAT?
118
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THREE WAISTCOAT BUTTONS UNDONE,
119
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A FRAYED CUFF... I
CALL THAT SLOPPY!
120
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,688
OH, MR. GOLDBERG,
I'VE NEVER HEARD
121
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A SENIOR ASSISTANT SPOKEN
TO LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE.
122
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HAVE I GOT EGG STAIN ON MY TIE?
123
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WELL, NOT A BIG ONE.
124
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I HAVE TO HAVE
THESE THREE BUTTONS
125
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UNDONE ON MY WAISTCOAT,
OTHERWISE I CAN'T BREATHE.
126
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:02,772
- WHAT ABOUT THE FRAYED CUFF?
- MRS. GOLDBERG WAS
GOING TO TURN IT.
127
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OH, DEAR, SHE HAS.
128
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I'VE NEVER KNOWN
HIM GO ON LIKE THAT.
129
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I THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM.
130
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,615
PERHAPS HE'S HAD ANOTHER
ROW WITH MRS. PEACOCK.
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LIKE LAST TIME WHEN SHE
THREW THE CUSTARD ALL OVER HIM
132
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AND MADE HIM SLEEP IN THE
SPARE ROOM FOR A WEEK.
133
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IF I WAS MARRIED
TO MRS. PEACOCK,
134
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I'D SLEEP IN THE SPARE
ROOM ALL THE TIME.
135
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HE'S DEFINITELY NOT WELL.
136
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HIS NOSTRILS ARE ALL DRAWN.
137
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IS THAT BAD?
138
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:30,788
OUR MILKMAN'S HORSE
HAD DRAWN NOSTRILS.
139
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DO YOU KNOW, ONE MORNING,
140
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IT DROPPED DEAD IN THE SHAFTS.
141
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:39,008
YOU'RE NOT SUGGESTING THAT'S
GOING TO HAPPEN TO CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
142
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LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY,
IF HE DELIVERED MY MILK,
143
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I'D ORDER AN EXTRA THREE PINTS.
144
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:47,283
I CAN REASSURE YOU IT'S
NOT AS SERIOUS AS THAT.
145
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:49,385
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?
146
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,220
I JUST DO.
147
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:54,157
I WAS TOLD IN THE STRICTEST
CONFIDENCE YESTERDAY.
148
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,859
YOU CAN TELL US IN THE
STRICTEST CONFIDENCE TODAY.
149
00:06:56,883 --> 00:07:00,029
LOOK, IT'S A VERY
DELICATE MATTER.
150
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,165
MR. GOLDBERG,
ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME
151
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,400
WILL TELL YOU THAT
I AM NOT A GOSSIP.
152
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,502
IT'LL GO NO FURTHER.
153
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,338
BUT I DID GIVE MY WORD.
154
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:12,475
- HE MADE YOU LOOK VERY SMALL
OVER THOSE FRAYED CUFFS.
- TRUE.
155
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:14,677
IT WAS VERY UNNECESSARY
TO MENTION THAT EGG STAIN.
156
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:17,135
I'D FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT.
157
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,717
WELL, APPARENTLY,
158
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:24,153
HE WENT DOWN TO SEE MR. FRANCO
IN THE SPORTS DEPARTMENT
159
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,589
HE WANTED SOME JOGGING SHORTS.
160
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,491
YOU KNOW HOW VAIN HE IS.
161
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:30,393
WELL, HE WOULDN'T BE SATISFIED
162
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,561
UNTIL HE TRIED THREE
LOTS OF SHORTS,
163
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:34,297
BUT THEN DURING THE PROCESS,
164
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:38,089
MR. FRANCO NOTICED
HE HAD A BOIL.
165
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:42,394
A VERY LARGE BOIL.
166
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:45,596
WHERE?
167
00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:51,036
( laughing )
168
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,741
( laughing )
169
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:03,026
WHERE IS IT? TELL ME.
170
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,283
TELL ME!
171
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:08,164
( laughs )
172
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,066
POOR MAN.
173
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,690
DON'T KEEP IT TO
YOURSELVES, TELL ME!
174
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:18,029
I DIDN'T NOTICE A
BOIL ON HIS THUMB.
175
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,099
NOT ON HIS THUMB.
176
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,035
( laughing )
177
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:31,854
WELL, I THINK CAPTAIN
PEACOCK'S GONE MAD.
178
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,290
JUST BECAUSE I
USED A FELT-TIP PEN
179
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:37,059
ON MY BILL PAD INSTEAD OF A BIRO
180
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,128
HE WENT ALL UP...
181
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:42,165
WHAT DO YOU CALL IT
WHEN THEY GO ALL RED
182
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,634
AND SWELL UP AND
THEIR EYES POP OUT?
183
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:48,171
- "APOPLOPTIC"?
- YES!
184
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,105
ALL I DID WAS USE
THE WRONG FINGER
185
00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:53,409
TO RING UP THE TILL
AND I GOT A NO-SALE.
186
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,344
WHICH FINGER DID YOU USE?
187
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,280
IT'S IMMATERIAL, MR. LUCAS!
188
00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:59,315
WHEN HE SAW THAT LITTLE RED FLAG
189
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:01,384
HE CAME CHARGING OVER TO ME.
190
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,319
HE WENT MAD FOR
ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.
191
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,621
I THOUGHT THE VEINS IN HIS
NECK WERE GOING TO BURST.
192
00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:07,956
THEY WERE STANDING OUT
LIKE SPAGHETTI JUNCTION.
193
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:10,626
MIND YOU, HAVING A BOIL
WHERE HE'S GOT ONE...
194
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,562
IT MUST BE PAINFUL.
195
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,297
I'M SURE WE ALL FEEL FOR HIM.
196
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:16,532
YOU SPEAK FOR
YOURSELF. THIS IS JUSTICE.
197
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,134
HE'S BEEN ROTTEN TO ME
EVER SINCE I CAME HERE
198
00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:21,170
AND I'VE HAD TO
TAKE IT SITTING DOWN.
199
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:24,674
NOW YOU'VE GOT YOUR REVENGE BECAUSE
HE CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING SITTING DOWN.
200
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,909
( all laughing )
201
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:29,478
PLEASE, PLEASE. SHH! SHH!
202
00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:31,547
KEEP YOUR VOICES DOWN.
203
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,982
SHH. WE DON'T WANT
THIS THING TO SPREAD.
204
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:35,918
WHY? IS IT CATCHING?
205
00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:38,287
( laughing )
206
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,389
LOOK, WILL YOU LISTEN...
207
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,225
I TOLD YOU IN THE
STRICTEST CONFIDENCE.
208
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:45,928
NOW PLEASE, PEOPLE CAN BE
REALLY SENSITIVE ABOUT BOILS,
209
00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:48,564
SO I MUST ASK YOU
EVEN FOR MY OWN SAKE
210
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,534
DON'T MENTION ANYTHING
ABOUT IT WHILE HE'S HERE.
211
00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:53,636
I WON'T SAY A WORD.
212
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,438
I WOULDN'T BE THAT CHEEKY.
213
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,240
( laughing )
214
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,963
SHH!
215
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:09,184
- WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
- A CUP OF TEA.
216
00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:12,521
- NO, I MEANT THAT
THING ON YOUR ARM.
- OH THIS. YES, YES.
217
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:14,657
IT'S A RUBBER RING.
218
00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:17,226
THE MEDICAL DEPARTMENT
HAVE HAD A LOT OF COMPLAINTS
219
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,994
ABOUT THE POOR QUALITY OF RUBBER
220
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:21,419
AND I VOLUNTEERED TO
TEST IT FOR A FEW DAYS.
221
00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:33,542
IF YOU'RE GOING TO TEST IT, YOU WANT
TO TREAT IT A BIT ROUGHER THAN THAT.
222
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:36,033
YOU WANT TO BOUNCE
UP AND DOWN A BIT ON IT.
223
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:39,103
THAT WILL COME LATER.
224
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,518
I MUST SAY THAT ANY RESEMBLANCE
225
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:45,288
BETWEEN THAT AND TEA
IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
226
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,878
THAT'S BECAUSE THEY NEVER
BRING THE WATER TO THE BOIL.
227
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:58,601
THERE SEEMS TO BE A LOT
OF HILARITY THIS MORNING.
228
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:01,992
I SUPPOSE AS USUAL, I SHALL BE THE
LAST ONE TO KNOW WHAT CAUSED IT.
229
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,682
JUST BECAUSE I'M
READING THE PAPER
230
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:15,184
IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT
EVERYBODY HAS TO STOP TALKING.
231
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:19,121
( all talking at once )
232
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:22,291
WE'RE HAVING A
GOOD AMIABLE CHAT.
233
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:25,428
THERE'S A VERY GOOD
ARTICLE IN THAT PAPER.
234
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,096
ABOUT THE... THE...
GREAT TRAIN ROBBERY.
235
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,265
OH, YES, I WAS READING
ABOUT IT IN THE BUS.
236
00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:33,168
STANDING UP?
237
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:35,705
YES, IT WAS FULL AS USUAL.
238
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:38,073
IT'S MY THEORY THAT
MOST OF THE MONEY
239
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:39,942
FINISHED UP IN SOUTH AMERICA.
240
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:43,133
YES. I DOUBT IF THEY'LL EVER
GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT.
241
00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:49,054
I EXPECT THEY WILL IN THE END.
242
00:11:56,683 --> 00:12:00,062
YOU KNOW, DON'T YOU?
243
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:02,231
NO USE TRYING TO HIDE YOUR
SNIGGERING, MISS BRAHMS.
244
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:05,568
- YOU KNOW, DON'T YOU?
- KNOW WHAT, CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
245
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:08,637
ABOUT MY... MY MISFORTUNE.
246
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:12,007
- HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?
- SOMEBODY TOLD ME.
247
00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:15,177
- WHO?
- MRS. SLOCOMBE.
248
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:18,447
I SEE. AND WHO TOLD
YOU, MRS. SLOCOMBE?
249
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:21,183
I'M NOT ONE TO TELL TALES,
250
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:24,319
HOWEVER, SINCE WE'RE
ALL SNEAKING TODAY,
251
00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:26,288
MR. LUCAS.
252
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:29,625
I KNEW MR. LUCAS WOULD BE IN THIS
THING SOMEWHERE. WHO TOLD YOU?
253
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:32,828
WILD HORSES WOULDN'T DRAG
THAT INFORMATION FROM MY LIPS,
254
00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:34,652
BUT I WILL POINT.
255
00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:38,934
I'M SURPRISED AT
YOU, MR. GOLDBERG.
256
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,903
I'M SURPRISED AT ALL OF YOU.
257
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:43,472
HITHERTO, I HAD REGARDED
YOU AS MY FRIENDS.
258
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,909
I... I'M SURE I SPEAK
FOR EVERYBODY HERE
259
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:50,979
BUT I'M VERY SORRY TO HAVE
CAUSED YOU SUCH DISTRESS.
260
00:12:51,003 --> 00:12:54,617
WHAT I WANT TO KNOW NOW,
MR. GOLDBERG, IS WHO TOLD YOU?
261
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:57,620
WELL, I WAS TOLD IN THE
STRICTEST CONFIDENCE.
262
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,354
AND I CAN ASSURE YOU
263
00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:00,989
IT WILL GO NO FURTHER.
264
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:04,059
YOUR SECRET IS SAFE WITH
US ON THE THIRD FLOOR.
265
00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:06,061
HELLO, CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
266
00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:08,764
THEY'RE ALL ASKING AFTER
YOU IN THE PACKING DEPARTMENT.
267
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,489
HOW'S THE BOIL ON YOUR BUM?
268
00:13:15,729 --> 00:13:18,107
Rumbold: SORRY I WAS DELAYED.
269
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:21,143
NOW THEN, WHAT'S ALL
THIS ABOUT, PEACOCK?
270
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,779
WELL, SIR, THIS IS A
MATTER OF SOME DELICACY.
271
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:27,149
I'M SUFFERING FROM A MINOR,
BUT PAINFUL INDISPOSITION.
272
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:29,618
DO YOU MEAN THE BOIL I
HEARD ABOUT IN THE LIFT?
273
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,088
YES, SIR. I HAVE A COMPLAINT.
274
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:34,623
YES, A VERY NASTY
ONE TOO, I SHOULD THINK.
275
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,426
NO, SIR, I WISH TO COMPLAIN
276
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:40,329
I'VE BEEN MADE A LAUGHINGSTOCK
THROUGHOUT THE STORE
277
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,297
OWING TO A GRAVE
BREACH OF CONFIDENCE
278
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,899
BY A MEMBER OF
ANOTHER DEPARTMENT...
279
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:46,035
TO WIT... MR. FRANCO OF SPORTS.
280
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,803
YES, WELL COME TO
THE POINT, PEACOCK.
281
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,839
IT ALL OCCURRED
IN THE FITTING ROOM.
282
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:52,541
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THE
FIRST RULE OF SALES ETIQUETTE
283
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:55,711
IS THAT WHAT ONE SEES IN THE FITTING
ROOM IS IN THE STRICTEST CONFIDENCE.
284
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:57,113
THAT'S VERY TRUE.
285
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,615
WHILE I WAS TRYING ON A
PAIR OF JOGGING SHORTS,
286
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:03,085
MR. FRANCO BECAME
ACQUAINTED WITH MY AFFLICTION
287
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:05,755
AND BANDIED IT ABOUT THE STORE.
288
00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:09,191
OBVIOUSLY, I THOUGHT YOU'D
RELEASED THE NEWS YOURSELF.
289
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:11,393
IT WOULDN'T BE SO
BAD IF IT WAS JUST US,
290
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:14,463
BUT WHEN IT GETS DOWN TO THE
PACKING DEPARTMENT, THAT'S TOO MUCH.
291
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,899
I FEEL MOST STRONGLY
THAT MR. FRANCO SHOULD
292
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,868
BE REPRIMANDED
THROUGH OFFICIAL CHANNELS
293
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:20,803
AND SHOULD MAKE
A PROPER APOLOGY.
294
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,571
I THINK HE SHOULD WRITE IT OUT
295
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:25,307
AND PUT IT UP ON THE
STAFF NOTICE BOARD.
296
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:28,244
I DON'T THINK I'LL ASK HIM TO
GO THAT FAR, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
297
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:31,413
NO, THERE MIGHT BE ONE OR TWO
PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T HEARD YET.
298
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,315
MY FIRST INSTINCT
299
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:34,984
WAS TO GO AND PUNCH
HIM ON THE NOSE.
300
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:38,353
BUT BECAUSE THIS WHOLE AFFAIR
BRINGS GRACE BROTHERS INTO DISREPUTE,
301
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,589
I FEEL IT PROPER TO GO
THROUGH OFFICIAL CHANNELS.
302
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:43,425
I QUITE AGREE. I SHALL
PHONE MR. FRANCO AT ONCE.
303
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,928
I WOULDN'T HAVE
DREAMT OF PASSING IT ON
304
00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:47,529
HAD I KNOWN THAT THE INFORMATION
305
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,498
WAS OBTAINED IN
THE FITTING ROOM.
306
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:52,168
YEAH, WE NEVER SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT THAT BIG BLONDE
307
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,469
THAT CAME IN WITH THE
LIMERICK TATTOOED ON HER.
308
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:56,371
WHAT WAS THAT?
309
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,507
THERE ONCE WAS A
COUPLE OF ROCKERS.
310
00:14:58,531 --> 00:14:59,975
WENT OUT WITH A BIRD WITH BIG...
311
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:01,833
THAT WILL DO, MISS BRAHMS.
312
00:15:03,669 --> 00:15:06,581
AH, MR. FRANCO, RUMBOLD
HERE, THIRD FLOOR.
313
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:08,984
I HAVE CAPTAIN
PEACOCK HERE WITH ME.
314
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:10,519
OH, YOU HEARD.
315
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:13,355
HE FEELS THAT YOU
OWE HIM AN APOLOGY.
316
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:15,446
( laughing )
317
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,261
I DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD TAKE THAT LINE.
318
00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:21,130
HE FEELS VERY STRONGLY ABOUT IT.
319
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,898
HIS FIRST INSTINCT
WAS TO COME DOWN
320
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,667
AND PUNCH YOU ON THE
NOSE... HE IS QUITE CAPABLE OF IT.
321
00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:28,237
IN PASSING, YOU MIGHT MENTION
THAT I WAS THE WELTERWEIGHT
322
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:32,174
RUNNER-UP FOR THE
R.A.S.C. AT MERSA MATRUH.
323
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:36,111
HE WAS THE WELTERWEIGHT
CHAMPION OF MERSA MATRUH.
324
00:15:36,135 --> 00:15:38,413
I ASSURE YOU HE IS NOT BLUFFING.
325
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,482
HE COMES FROM A BACKGROUND
326
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:43,319
WHERE A GENTLEMAN TAKES A
PERSON LIKE YOU DOWN TO THE GYM,
327
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,855
PUTS ON THE GLOVES AND
GIVES YOU A DAMN GOOD HIDING.
328
00:15:45,879 --> 00:15:48,779
I SEE. HE ACCEPTS THE CHALLENGE.
329
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,271
WELL, FIVE ROUNDS,
THAT'S OKAY WITH US.
330
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:57,128
HE'LL GO 10 IF YOU LIKE.
331
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:01,470
RIGHT, VERY WELL THEN,
SATURDAY AFTERNOON, 3:00.
332
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,261
YOU...
333
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,630
( screams )
334
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:37,106
OOH, HE'S FLEXING HIS MUSCLES.
335
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,375
OOH, ISN'T HE MARVELOUS?
336
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:42,199
I'M GOING TO ASK
HIM TO SIGN THIS BILL.
337
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:47,972
- CAPTAIN PEACOCK...
- ( grunts )
338
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,520
ARE YOU FREE?
339
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,588
AT THE MOMENT, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
340
00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:56,425
WOULD YOU SIGN THIS BILL FOR ME?
341
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,693
BUT IT'S BLANK, YOU
HAVEN'T SOLD ANYTHING.
342
00:16:58,717 --> 00:17:01,530
I KNOW. I JUST WANTED
YOUR AUTOGRAPH.
343
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:04,366
WE'D LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT WE
344
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:06,735
IN THE LADIES DEPARTMENT
ARE VERY PROUD OF YOU.
345
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,737
WE THINK WHAT YOU'RE
DOING IS MARVELOUS.
346
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:12,474
ME AND MISS BRAHMS ARE SEEING
YOU FROM QUITE A DIFFERENT ANGLE.
347
00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:15,744
AND WHAT WE SAY IS, "IF A MAN
CAN'T STICK UP FOR HIS HONOR,
348
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,634
WHAT CAN HE STICK UP FOR?"
349
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,649
THANK YOU, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
350
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,351
LOOK AT HIM. HE'S BASKING IN IT.
351
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,353
WELL, IF I WAS IN HIS POSITION
352
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,588
I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT
I'D DO THE SAME THING.
353
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:28,757
I WOULDN'T, BUT I'D
LIKE TO THINK I WOULD.
354
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:32,428
DO YOU KNOW I USED TO GET INTO
A LOT OF SCRAPS WHEN I WAS A LAD.
355
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:35,464
I WAS KNOWN AS
GRUESOME GOLDBERG,
356
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,200
THE GOLDERS GREEN GORILLA.
357
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,957
( elevator dings )
358
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,979
OY, OY, YOU'RE DOING
ALL RIGHT, AREN'T YOU?
359
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:53,082
THEY DO SEEM TO ADMIRE A MAN
WHO STICKS TO HIS PRINCIPLES.
360
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:55,917
OH, THEY ADMIRE YOU... AND
THEY'RE VERY SORRY FOR YOU...
361
00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:57,987
LIKE THEY ADMIRED
THE LIGHT BRIGADE.
362
00:17:58,011 --> 00:18:00,789
ONLY A HANDFUL GOT THROUGH,
BUT THEY ADMIRED THEM.
363
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:03,192
MR. HARMAN, WHAT
ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?
364
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:05,527
WORD HAS IT THAT MR. FRANCO
365
00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:07,562
IS VERY HANDY WITH HIS DUKES.
366
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:10,599
AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE
NAVY, HE BOXED FOR HIS SHIP.
367
00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:13,524
- TORPEDO BOAT?
- AIRCRAFT CARRIER.
368
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,905
MR. HARMAN, DON'T
COME ON THE FLOOR
369
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,773
IN YOUR OVERALLS
DURING WORKING HOURS.
370
00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:21,110
IN THAT CASE I WON'T TELL
YOU ABOUT HIS SECRET WEAPON.
371
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:22,966
WHAT SECRET WEAPON?
372
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:26,281
HE'S GOT A KILLER PUNCH...
373
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:28,539
IN BOTH HANDS.
374
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,691
MAY I USE YOUR
PHONE, MR. GOLDBERG?
375
00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:39,461
I'D BE MOST HONORED, CHAMP.
376
00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:42,231
I'LL GET THE NUMBER FOR
YOU, CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
377
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,755
I'M MAD ABOUT HIS AFTERSHAVE.
378
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:48,526
HE PROBABLY
SPLASHES IT ALL OVER.
379
00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:52,408
- WHO DO YOU WANT?
- MR. GRACE.
380
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,476
A RATHER WORRYING
THOUGHT HAS STRUCK ME.
381
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,545
I HADN'T OBTAINED
MR. GRACE'S PERMISSION
382
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:59,148
AND HE MAY, OF COURSE, NOT
ALLOW THE FIGHT TO PROCEED.
383
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,383
IT'S GOING TO TAKE PLACE
ON SATURDAY AFTERNOON.
384
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:03,585
- HE WON'T KNOW ABOUT IT.
- AND WE WON'T SAY ANYTHING.
385
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:05,587
NO, BUT AS A
MATTER OF PRINCIPLE,
386
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,045
I FEEL I OUGHT TO
TELL HIM. THANK YOU.
387
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:18,155
I CAN ONLY SEE A BIT
OF THE PINK FROM HERE.
388
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,945
I CAN SEE QUITE A LOT FROM HERE.
389
00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:25,474
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO MAKE ME RUSH IT.
390
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,778
NO, NO, TAKE ALL THE
TIME IN THE WORLD.
391
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:31,146
OH.
392
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:35,010
EXCUSE ME, MR. GRACE, BUT CAPTAIN
PEACOCK'S ON THE PHONE FOR YOU.
393
00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:38,887
- HELLO, PEACOCK.
- Hello, sir.
394
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:41,823
WHAT'S ALL THIS I HEAR ABOUT YOU
HAVING A PUNCH-UP ON SATURDAY?
395
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,725
OH, YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT IT, SIR?
396
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:46,228
WELL, I THOUGHT IT ONLY
RIGHT TO CONSULT YOU.
397
00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:48,363
BECAUSE I FELT THAT
YOU MAY WISH TO BAN IT.
398
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:50,966
BAN IT? I'M LOOKING
FORWARD TO IT.
399
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:52,801
I'VE GOT A FIVER ON.
400
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,803
OH, I... I HOPE I DON'T
LET YOU DOWN, SIR.
401
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:58,740
NOT ON YOU, ON THE OTHER FELLOW.
402
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:01,143
HE DID VERY WELL IN
THE INTER-STORE FINALS.
403
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,312
KNOCKED OUT THE
HEAVYWEIGHT FROM MOTHERCARE.
404
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,347
( whimpers )
405
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:08,117
PEACOCK? HELLO, PEACOCK?
406
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:09,851
Peacock?
407
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:13,422
COME ON, MISS BRAHMS, LET'S
GET A GOOD RINGSIDE SEAT.
408
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:15,123
WHERE ARE THE OTHERS?
409
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,726
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
THEY'LL BE COMING.
410
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,961
( gargles )
411
00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:22,264
THAT WORKS.
412
00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:25,233
WHERE'S CAPTAIN PEACOCK? IS
HE STILL IN THE FITTING ROOM?
413
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:27,169
HE HASN'T ARRIVED AT
THE FITTING ROOM YET.
414
00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:29,159
WE HAVEN'T SEEN HIM
SINCE FRIDAY NIGHT.
415
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,442
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
416
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:36,712
OH, MY HERO! I KNEW YOU
WOULDN'T LET US DOWN!
417
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,414
THANK YOU, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
418
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:40,949
OF COURSE I WOULDN'T
LET YOU DOWN... NORMALLY.
419
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:44,085
- WHAT?
- WELL, AS A PRECAUTION,
420
00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:46,188
I WENT TO THE DOCTOR
FOR A FINAL CHECK-UP
421
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:49,325
BUT BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING
HE'D INJECTED ME WITH ANTIBIOTICS.
422
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,059
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE?
423
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,662
TO MY DISMAY, THE
DOCTOR POINTED OUT
424
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,597
THAT AFTER TAKING ANTIBIOTICS
425
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:58,589
ONE MUSTN'T DRINK... OR BOX.
426
00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:02,671
MY DOCTOR'S NEVER TOLD ME THAT.
427
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:06,141
PERHAPS IN YOUR CASE HE
THOUGHT IT WOULDN'T APPLY.
428
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:08,043
DOES THIS MEAN YOU
CAN'T FIGHT, PEACOCK?
429
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:10,346
IN A WORD, I'M AFRAID SO.
430
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:13,215
BUT THE HONOR OF THE
WHOLE DEPARTMENT'S AT STAKE.
431
00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:14,883
I ACCEPTED THE CHALLENGE.
432
00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:17,052
ALL RIGHT, THEN YOU
GO AND FIGHT HIM.
433
00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:20,823
WELL, I CAN'T FIGHT,
BECAUSE I WEAR GLASSES.
434
00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:23,792
- TAKE THEM OFF.
- IF I DO THAT,
I CAN'T SEE.
435
00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:26,628
WELL, I HOPE SOMEBODY'S
GOING TO FIGHT HIM.
436
00:21:26,652 --> 00:21:28,664
I HAVEN'T GIVEN UP
MY AFTERNOON'S BINGO
437
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:31,967
TO SEE A LOT OF LILY-LIVERED
FAIRIES MAKING EXCUSES.
438
00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:35,771
I WOULD WILLINGLY
STEP INTO THE BREACH,
439
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,907
IF YOU THINK A MAN WITH
ONE LUNG AND A TRUSS
440
00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:40,865
WOULD BE OF ANY ASSISTANCE.
441
00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:44,480
NO, NO, NO.
442
00:21:44,504 --> 00:21:46,548
WE'VE GOT A COUPLE
YOUNGER THAN YOU.
443
00:21:46,572 --> 00:21:48,950
YEAH, BUT NOT IN
SUCH GOOD CONDITION.
444
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:52,454
YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING BIG. NOW'S
YOUR CHANCE TO SHOW HOW BIG YOU ARE.
445
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:54,923
I WOULD... WERE IT
NOT FOR THE FACT
446
00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:57,092
THAT MY POOR OLD MOTHER FOR
WHOM THE SLIGHTEST EXCITEMENT
447
00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:59,294
COULD PROVE FATAL, MADE
ME JOIN THIS RELIGIOUS SECT.
448
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:01,530
YES, IT'S CALLED
COWARDS ANONYMOUS.
449
00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:03,231
VERY NEARLY RIGHT.
450
00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:05,734
THE OTHER NIGHT, I WENT TO
THE MEETING AND I ROLLED UP
451
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:08,937
MY LEFT TROUSER LEG AND HOLDING A
DEAD CHICKEN IN MY OUTSTRETCHED HAND
452
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:11,339
I SWORE BEFORE THE HIGH
LAMA I WOULD DO NO VIOLENCE
453
00:22:11,363 --> 00:22:14,342
TO ANY LIVING THING
ANIMAL, VEGETABLE OR INSECT.
454
00:22:14,366 --> 00:22:17,379
UNFORTUNATELY I ATE A LETTUCE
LEAF WITH A CATERPILLAR ON IT
455
00:22:17,403 --> 00:22:20,549
- AND I'M STILL DOING PENANCE.
- WHAT ABOUT YOU, MR. HUMPHRIES?
456
00:22:20,573 --> 00:22:23,318
OH, I'VE NEVER BOXED IN MY LIFE.
457
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:26,054
NOW WRESTLING,
THAT'S ANOTHER MATTER.
458
00:22:26,078 --> 00:22:28,323
I WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGHT
YOU WERE THE WRESTLING SORT.
459
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:30,781
I WAS KNOWN AS HUGGER HUMPHRIES.
460
00:22:32,452 --> 00:22:36,432
THEY HAD TO PULL ME OFF PEOPLE.
461
00:22:36,456 --> 00:22:38,534
I WAS THE CATCH-
AS-CATCH-CAN CHAMPION
462
00:22:38,558 --> 00:22:41,470
OF THE BARLYMOOR
ROAD MIXED INFANTS.
463
00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:44,339
WELL, IT'S ALL DOWN TO MISS
BRAHMS OR MRS. SLOCOMBE
464
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:46,374
AND MY MONEY'S ON
THE HEAVYWEIGHT.
465
00:22:46,398 --> 00:22:48,243
WEAK AS WATER!
466
00:22:48,267 --> 00:22:50,211
IF I WAS A MAN, I'D BE IN THERE!
467
00:22:50,235 --> 00:22:53,849
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SHAVED YOUR
MOUSTACHE OFF THEN, SHOULD YOU?
468
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:57,385
WE SHALL JUST HAVE TO POSTPONE THE
MATCH UNTIL CAPTAIN PEACOCK IS BETTER.
469
00:22:57,409 --> 00:23:01,278
I MAY BE ON
ANTIBIOTICS FOR LIFE.
470
00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:05,215
Rumbold: AH.
471
00:23:08,654 --> 00:23:11,266
WELL, NICE TO SEE
YOU, MR. FRANCO,
472
00:23:11,290 --> 00:23:13,167
BUT I'M AFRAID WE
HAVE SOME BAD NEWS.
473
00:23:13,191 --> 00:23:15,904
I THINK YOU OUGHT TO
HEAR OUR BAD NEWS FIRST.
474
00:23:15,928 --> 00:23:18,239
DUE TO THE SIZE OF
MR. FRANCO'S HANDS
475
00:23:18,263 --> 00:23:21,543
THE SPORTS DEPARTMENT CAN'T
GET A PAIR OF GLOVES TO FIT HIM.
476
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:23,612
AH, CHICKENING OUT, EH?
477
00:23:23,636 --> 00:23:25,580
I'M NOT CHICKENING OUT.
478
00:23:25,604 --> 00:23:27,382
I CAN BEAT YOU
WITH MY OWN HANDS.
479
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:30,619
- DO YOU MEAN WRESTLING?
- ANYTHING YOU LIKE.
480
00:23:30,643 --> 00:23:32,821
HOW ABOUT CATCH-AS-CATCH-CAN?
481
00:23:32,845 --> 00:23:35,924
THAT'S MY FAVORITE.
482
00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:38,660
Peacock: UNFORTUNATELY,
I'M ONLY A BOXING MAN.
483
00:23:38,684 --> 00:23:41,630
- Franco: CHICKENING OUT, EH?
- CERTAINLY NOT!
484
00:23:41,654 --> 00:23:44,365
- MR. HUMPHRIES!
- I'M NOT FREE.
485
00:23:44,389 --> 00:23:46,367
OH, YES YOU ARE. GET HIM.
486
00:23:46,391 --> 00:23:49,351
YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE, THIS
IS THE LADIES FITTING ROOM.
487
00:23:49,962 --> 00:23:52,173
OH, NO! PUT ME DOWN!
488
00:23:52,197 --> 00:23:54,810
NO, PLEASE, NO, PUT ME DOWN!
489
00:23:54,834 --> 00:23:57,111
- TAKE YOUR TROUSERS OFF.
- OH.
490
00:23:57,135 --> 00:24:00,248
I NEVER THOUGHT THOSE WORDS
COULD CAUSE SUCH MIXED EMOTIONS.
491
00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:02,417
TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME!
492
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:05,987
I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO
HARM ANYTHING ANIMAL, VEGETABLE OR INSECT.
493
00:24:06,011 --> 00:24:08,189
THEY DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT FAIRY CAKES.
494
00:24:08,213 --> 00:24:10,325
NO!
495
00:24:10,349 --> 00:24:12,727
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING
LIKE THIS SINCE "EMMANUELLE II"
496
00:24:12,751 --> 00:24:15,163
MRS. SLOCOMBE: TAKE THEM
OFF! TAKE HIS THINGS OFF!
497
00:24:15,187 --> 00:24:18,500
OWW! YOU VERY NEARLY DID.
498
00:24:18,524 --> 00:24:20,457
- AND...
- ( screams )
499
00:24:24,229 --> 00:24:26,741
Harman: MY LORDS, AND
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
500
00:24:26,765 --> 00:24:30,345
ON THE RIGHT, MR. FRANCO
FROM SPORTS EQUIPMENT...
501
00:24:30,369 --> 00:24:32,481
- ( cheers )
- ( boos )
502
00:24:32,505 --> 00:24:36,150
ON MY LEFT, MR. WILBERFORCE CLAYBORNE
HUMPHRIES OF GENTS READY-MADES.
503
00:24:36,174 --> 00:24:38,887
( cheers )
504
00:24:38,911 --> 00:24:41,289
THIS IS A THREE-ROUND CONTEST.
505
00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:43,358
TWO FALLS OR A SUBMISSION
506
00:24:43,382 --> 00:24:45,093
TO DECIDE THE WINNER...
507
00:24:45,117 --> 00:24:48,797
OR THE FIRST OF THE TWO
GENTLEMEN TO RUN AWAY.
508
00:24:48,821 --> 00:24:52,567
NOW, I WANT NO UNNECESSARY GOUGING
OR KICKING WITH THE POINT OF THE TOE.
509
00:24:52,591 --> 00:24:54,536
- OH NO...
- NOT SO FAST.
510
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,738
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYBODY SO KEEN.
511
00:24:56,762 --> 00:24:58,339
ALL RIGHT, ANY QUESTIONS?
512
00:24:58,363 --> 00:25:01,109
YES. DID YOU GET THAT
RIBBON FROM HABERDASHERY?
513
00:25:01,133 --> 00:25:03,177
WATCH IT, TWINKLE TOES.
514
00:25:03,201 --> 00:25:04,946
RIGHT. GO TO YOUR CORNERS
515
00:25:04,970 --> 00:25:06,882
AND COME OUT FIGHTING
WHEN I RING THE BELL.
516
00:25:06,906 --> 00:25:09,217
NOW REMEMBER, MR. HUMPHRIES,
YOU ARE STANDING UP
517
00:25:09,241 --> 00:25:10,886
FOR THE HONOR OF
THE WHOLE DEPARTMENT.
518
00:25:10,910 --> 00:25:12,654
YES, WELL, YOU
TELL MY LEGS THAT.
519
00:25:12,678 --> 00:25:15,012
- ( bell rings )
- ROUND ONE!
520
00:25:27,593 --> 00:25:29,437
ARE YOU LISTENING?
521
00:25:29,461 --> 00:25:32,240
I HAVEN'T GOT MUCH
CHOICE, HAVE I?
522
00:25:32,264 --> 00:25:33,909
( cries ) NO!
523
00:25:33,933 --> 00:25:36,044
HAVE YOU GOT ANY
GRUDGE AGAINST ME?
524
00:25:36,068 --> 00:25:38,613
OF COURSE NOT. I'M SURE
UNDER OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES
525
00:25:38,637 --> 00:25:40,615
WE COULD GET ON QUITE WELL. OWW!
526
00:25:40,639 --> 00:25:44,553
IN THAT CASE, ALL WE'VE GOT
TO DO IS MAKE IT LOOK GOOD.
527
00:25:44,577 --> 00:25:46,743
I'M ENTIRELY IN YOUR HANDS.
528
00:25:48,113 --> 00:25:50,058
( cheering )
529
00:25:50,082 --> 00:25:54,195
HERE, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
A FLYING CROSS BUTTOCK?
530
00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:56,565
NOT FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS, NO.
531
00:25:56,589 --> 00:25:58,533
FIRST THING WE'VE GOT TO DO
532
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,602
IS WHIRL YOU AROUND MY SHOULDERS
533
00:26:00,626 --> 00:26:02,837
AND SLAM YOU ONTO THE FLOOR.
534
00:26:02,861 --> 00:26:04,639
THEY CALL IT A PROPELLER.
535
00:26:04,663 --> 00:26:06,541
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
536
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:09,210
YOU'RE GOING TO DO
AN AGONIZING YELL.
537
00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:11,301
I THINK I CAN
MANAGE THAT. ( yelps )
538
00:26:18,310 --> 00:26:20,822
HE'S GIVING HIM A
FLYING PROPELLER!
539
00:26:20,846 --> 00:26:23,892
- ( Humphries yelling )
- Franco: NOT YET.
540
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:26,049
Humphries: I'LL BE
THE JUDGE OF THAT.
541
00:26:36,361 --> 00:26:38,461
( groans)
542
00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:43,078
( groaning )
543
00:26:43,102 --> 00:26:44,946
THAT WAS A GOOD YELL.
544
00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:47,181
I THINK YOU'VE DONE
THIS GAME BEFORE.
545
00:26:47,205 --> 00:26:49,572
BUT NOT WITH SO
MANY PEOPLE WATCHING.
546
00:26:53,679 --> 00:26:57,592
NOW... NOW I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU
547
00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:00,050
A PATAGONIAN NOSE HOLD.
548
00:27:01,553 --> 00:27:05,100
IT LOOKS ABSOLUTELY GHASTLY.
549
00:27:05,124 --> 00:27:07,301
ISN'T IT TIME I GOT
YOU INTO SOMETHING?
550
00:27:07,325 --> 00:27:10,571
NO, NO, THEY'VE GOT
TO HATE ME FIRST.
551
00:27:10,595 --> 00:27:12,573
AND THEN WHEN YOU
GET YOUR REVENGE
552
00:27:12,597 --> 00:27:15,176
THEY'RE GOING TO LOVE
YOU. SO HERE WE GO.
553
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,145
DON'T FORGET TO YELL.
554
00:27:17,169 --> 00:27:19,180
( yelling )
555
00:27:19,204 --> 00:27:23,484
HE'S ROUGH. HE'S GIVING
HIM A PATAGONIAN NOSE HOLD.
556
00:27:23,508 --> 00:27:26,955
THERE YOU ARE,
THEY'RE HATING ME NOW.
557
00:27:26,979 --> 00:27:29,590
I'M NOT SO KEEN ON YOU MYSELF.
558
00:27:29,614 --> 00:27:31,860
( booing )
559
00:27:31,884 --> 00:27:33,695
- I JUST REMEMBERED.
- WHAT?
560
00:27:33,719 --> 00:27:35,797
A BRAZILIAN ELBOW JAB.
561
00:27:35,821 --> 00:27:38,900
OH, THAT'LL BE NICE. OW! OW!
562
00:27:38,924 --> 00:27:42,070
OW! OW!
563
00:27:42,094 --> 00:27:44,072
WHAT'S HE DOING?
HE'S KILLING HIM!
564
00:27:44,096 --> 00:27:46,196
HE'S GIVING HIM A
BRAZILIAN ELBOW JAB.
565
00:27:51,636 --> 00:27:53,214
THAT'S IT! I'VE SEEN ENOUGH!
566
00:27:53,238 --> 00:27:55,572
- ARE YOU GOING HOME?
- NO, I'M GOING IN.
567
00:27:59,477 --> 00:28:01,622
YOU BIG BULLY!
568
00:28:01,646 --> 00:28:04,414
WHY DON'T YOU PICK ON
SOMEBODY YOUR OWN SIZE?
569
00:28:07,853 --> 00:28:12,723
THE WINNER ON A
KNOCKOUT, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
570
00:28:15,293 --> 00:28:17,572
WHICH JUST GOES TO SHOW
571
00:28:17,596 --> 00:28:20,942
WHEN A WOMAN HAS A BEE IN
HER BONNET, WE'D BETTER BEHAVE.
572
00:28:20,966 --> 00:28:22,911
OR TO PUT IT ANOTHER
WAY, MR. HARMAN,
573
00:28:22,935 --> 00:28:26,336
WHEN A MAN HAS A BOIL ON
HIS BUM, HE BETTER BELT UP.
574
00:28:30,574 --> 00:28:33,043
( cash register rings )
575
00:28:36,348 --> 00:28:39,293
♪ GROUND FLOOR... PERFUMERY,
STATIONERY AND LEATHER GOODS ♪
576
00:28:39,317 --> 00:28:42,230
♪ WIGS AND HABERDASHERY,
KITCHENWARE AND FOOD... ♪
577
00:28:42,254 --> 00:28:43,519
♪ GOING UP... ♪
578
00:28:48,026 --> 00:28:50,939
♪ FIRST FLOOR... TELEPHONES,
GENTS' READYMADE SUITS ♪
579
00:28:50,963 --> 00:28:53,808
♪ SHIRTS, SOCKS, TIES, HATS,
UNDERWEAR AND SHOES ♪
580
00:28:53,832 --> 00:28:55,365
♪ GOING UP... ♪
581
00:28:59,437 --> 00:29:02,516
♪ SECOND FLOOR... CARPETS,
TRAVEL GOODS AND BEDDING ♪
582
00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:05,453
♪ MATERIALS, SOFT FURNISHINGS,
RESTAURANT AND TEAS ♪
583
00:29:05,477 --> 00:29:07,510
♪ GOING DOWN. ♪